You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
