somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
