I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
