After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
