I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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