im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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