you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
