You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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