Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
