so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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