i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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