So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
