he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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