I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
