the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
