hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
