It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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