two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
