RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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