You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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