New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
