i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
