She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
