it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
These tits shall not be calmed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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