As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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