if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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