Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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