it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
