i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
