I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
