Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
