Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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