how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
