The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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