just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
