I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
