You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
