So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
