My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
