Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do herpes really smell.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
