I think my vagina is haunted
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
