my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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