I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
