he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
