Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
