Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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