are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
