I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
