he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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