Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
