Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
