smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sponge bath it is.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
